Self-Compassion

I like to think of myself as a loving person. I have close relationships with my friends and I am an affectionate daughter and sister. But recently I read something that challenged this and got me thinking.

Jack Kornfield, author, Buddhist, and teacher of meditation, reasons that ‘if your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete’.

Whilst I try to show love and kindness to others, this statement made me realise that I do not show the same compassion to myself. In fact, I’m quite a bully.

Like many other people, I am overly self-critical. Lying in bed at night I analyse the day, obsessing over every little mistake I made: being late for that appointment, not having the right change for the bus, speaking over someone…the list goes on. I punish myself for what I interpret as ‘flaws’ in my character.

Objectively, however, these are not flaws; they are simply what make me human.

I think we all have a tendency to forget that we are the most important people in our own lives. As such, our minds and bodies deserve the same love and attention we would show to other people.

There are many ways to show kindness towards yourself. You could have a relaxing bath, prepare a tasty and nutritious meal or go for a walk in your local park.

Mindfulness* can be a great way to take time out and focus on simply being, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Below is a mindfulness meditation I have created that centres on self-compassion and gratitude.

Sit or lie in a comfortable place and give it a go.

                                      

Start by taking some deep breaths to relax your body. Close your eyes. 

Focus on your body. Notice where it touches the ground or chair. Be aware of any pain or discomfort in your body. Notice any feelings of anger, hatred or shame towards your body. Recognise these feelings and try to gently let go of them.

Bring your attention to your feet to begin with. Focus on your toes, the ball of your foot and down towards the heel.Treat your feet with gratitude. Think or say internally, ‘thank you feet for carrying me around all day and helping me to balance’. 

Move up past your ankles, up your shins, to your knees. Notice how they feel. Say ‘thank you knees for letting me bend, sit down and walk.’ You might add ‘thank you for giving me the ability to kick a football’.

Focus now on your thighs. Feel the skin and then imagine you can look through it to the muscles. Say ‘thank you legs for giving me the strength to walk and run’. 

Move to your hips. Trace the shape of them in your mind. Say ‘thank you hips for giving me flexibility to move and twist’.

Next focus on your stomach. Without judgement, notice how your stomach feels. Full, round, empty, flat? Thank your stomach for keeping you full and giving you the energy to get through the day.

Notice your back against the ground or a chair. Be aware of any tension or pain in your back. Start from the base of your spine and work your way up to the base of your neck. Take a deep breath in, hold and let it out. Imagine the air travelling down your spine. ‘Thank you back for letting me stand straight and for carrying heavy loads.’ 

Let your mind wander from your back to focus on your arms, wrists, hands, to the tips of your fingers. Think or say, ‘thank you arms for letting me carry, lift, push and pull. Thank you hands for allowing me to write, type, hold and grip.’

Move slowly back up your arms to your throat. ‘Thank you for letting me breathe, swallow and speak’.

Focus your attention on your lips. Are they touching or slightly apart? Trace their shape. ‘Thank you lips for letting me smile and kiss’.

Next, focus on the breath entering and leaving your nostrils. Thank your nose for allowing you to smell flowers/coffee/fresh bread/mown grass (delete as required).

Move your focus up to your still closed eyes. Notice any colours or patterns you see cross your vision. Say ‘thank you eyes for giving me sight. Thank you for all the beautiful sunsets and landscapes I have seen’. 

Lastly, focus on your head. Work your way from your forehead, across your scalp and crown to the back of your head. Imagine the thousands of tiny nerve pathways linked inside your head. Thank your mind for: giving you emotions (both good and bad), the ability to feel pleasure, your memory, your imagination, the ability to think and feel and react.

         Notice how you feel now. Calm? Relaxed? Try to hold onto this feeling for a minute or so. 

Take some deep breaths, before slowly returning to the present.

*’The little book of Mindfulness’: Mindfulness is being aware of or bringing attention to this moment in time, deliberately and without judging the experience. As a form of therapy, mindfulness has been in the news a great deal. More than 10,000 published research papers are available on mindfulness-based therapies. Find out more here: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mindfulness.aspx