Over the last year I have come to realise that a sense of ‘belonging’
is just as crucial as love, health and happiness to our wellbeing.
Whatever Conrad may write in Heart of Darkness ('we live, as we dream- alone'), I believe we are fundamentally social beings.
We gain so much through our interactions with others. But it’s more than simply
communication; it is that feeling of belonging to something greater than
ourselves that creates meaning in our lives. As humans, we thrive on the camaraderie, the give
and take, the mutual support and the sense of order and unity that characterise
our communities.
Belonging to different circles gives us a feeling that we
are not alone.
Contemporary young author Marina Keegan explores this idea
in her seminal essay ‘The Opposite of Loneliness’.* In the opening, Keegan muses
that we have no single word that is the opposite of ‘loneliness’. She goes on
to recount, however, that belonging to the student body, friendship groups and
seminar classes at Yale University was, for her, the opposite of loneliness.
Personally, I find it very easy to relate to what Keegan
writes.
I had this same feeling of belonging during my time at university.
I was part of an academic institute, 1 faculty and 3 different departments, a
residential college, a year group, a sports team, 2 committees, multiple
societies, a band (briefly), and a few different friendship groups including a
very special and close ‘fantastic four’. That’s not to mention all the facebook
groups I joined, multiple-person messages I was part of and email lists I was
on.
In retrospect, this makes it easy to see why I found it so
hard withdrawing from my course (following illness) and moving back in with my
parents. Suddenly it was just me. I didn’t have all these connections to fall
back on: my links had been severed and I became acutely aware of my own
failings and imagined sense of worthlessness.
I don’t wish to dwell on this however; simply to point out
that belonging is important.
With so much pressure to conform in modern society, it’s no
wonder we sometimes feel like we’re an outcast or a misfit.
But you are not alone, and you do belong.
You can ‘belong’ and contribute to something that is bigger
than yourself in so many ways, and it doesn’t always have to mean leaving your
house as I have discovered.
Here are some circles we can choose to belong to:
Family
Community
Friends
Support group
Church or faith
Sports team
Company or work team
Seminar group
Book club
Night school class
Yoga class
Lift sharing scheme
Choir
Rotary club
Committee
Editorial team
Walking club
Social networking site
Internet forum
The list goes on.
If you’re struggling to find a sense of belonging in your
own life, you could try joining a new exercise or social group. Or even do
something as simple as becoming a member of an organisation or charity like ‘Mind’
(Details of membership and prices here: https://www.mind.org.uk/register-with-mind/?ctaId=/get-involved/about-minds-membership/slices/rich-text/)
It isn’t always easy to ‘belong’. In friendships and relationships
and society, belonging involves a certain amount of commitment and honesty. By
entering a relationship, or joining a group, or starting a new hobby, we put
ourselves out there, we make ourselves vulnerable.
But fortunately most of the time, it is worth it.
Personally, I have regained a sense of belonging by
finding a job, joining a walking club and a women’s group, and connecting with
friends, both old and new.
To conclude, I hope that you can find the time in your
busy day to remind yourself that you are important, you are loved and that you
belong.
* 'The Opposite of Loneliness' is an excellent short essay and definitely worth a read if you have time. It can be found in full here: http://yaledailynews.com/crosscampus/2012/05/27/keegan-the-opposite-of-loneliness/
